Today is the second anniversary of my darling husband's death. Anniversaries are strange days. For some reason feelings of loss and grief are intensified and are felt more strongly than on the other days of the year. I have found that creating rituals is a good way to deal with anniversaries. This morning I went into the city to the cathedral and lit a candle for John. It was so serene there that I enjoyed just sitting quietly and thinking about him. I find lighting a candle a very satisfying ritual and it makes me happy to think that the little candle will burn for several hours in John's memory. I then met up with my eldest son for coffee and to share some memories of John. His favourite ritual is to wear one of John's ties to work on this date. It makes him feel close to his Dad. Kind friends have rung me and sent flowers and it is such a good feeling to know that amidst their busy lives they have remembered John. As time goes by the grief and sadness do lift but in other ways widowhood becomes more difficult. The reality of being alone sets in, the loss of a warm and happy companionship hard to bear. It is a strange fact that when we marry we never really think about the time when we will/may be alone but I do remember my mother saying "Every love story has an unhappy ending"...so true.
So here, for the record, are some memories of John. Beautiful, sparkling blue eyes, a wicked grin and sense of humour, a devoted husband and father...he adored his sons. John had a strong, quiet wisdom much admired by all who knew him. He was conscientious and loyal, loved cars and was an enthusiastic fisherman. There is a lot more I could say but I'll just say that he was a wonderful man, my best friend and will always be deeply and sadly missed.